Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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