Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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