Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
