Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
