a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
