i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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