Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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