I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
