Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
