At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
