Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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