Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I need to stop coming to work sober
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
