it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize