YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
