Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
