i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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