what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
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he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
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'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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