just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
