I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
