I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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