So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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