i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
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You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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