He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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