Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
this will be a night to untag.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
