is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
