For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
