good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think I sprained my soul last night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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