i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Drake has all the answers
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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