i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
