I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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