i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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