Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
