It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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