I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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