Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize