Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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