I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Less talking, more tequila
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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