Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
