im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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