Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
worst night to have a conscience
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
