I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
