i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
