My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I need water and some morals
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
