I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
