i already hear my dad disowning me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
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I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
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I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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