oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
