sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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