He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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