do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
