So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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