Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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