i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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