are you still at the devil's house?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
