i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
