Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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