just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize