i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
