how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
