is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
